This Time in Seoul

It’s been a while since I’ve written anything about my Yoga Goddess. This past month, I don’t know why, but I’ve been having a little trouble getting to the studio. Earlier this month I preferred to leave work, run home, take a long shower and curl up with a book. Part of it was and still is my preoccupation of what my next step will be, especially here in Seoul.
Do I continue teaching full time when all that I want to do and be is work and be known as a talented photographer? Can I make a great living as a photographer here if I stay or elsewhere in the world? Do I take a chance and move back to the States to those that I love most and to someone that loves me?

Big question: What the hell will I do if and when I ever move back to the States? You see, I told you that I’ve been preoccupied. So, instead of attending class everyday like I’ve been doing for almost 5 months now, I’ve decided that this month I would attend 3 times a week. However this month I’ve been waking up at 4 30AM to do my sun salutations, stomach exercises, etc, to make up for being away from class and Yoga Goddess.

I guess this is just an ebb and flow time in my life. I’m asking myself some serious questions, the desire to be near people that I love is quite strong and opportunities for growth in my photography here are incredible! Life is flowing so well here that I think if I move, I may lose momentum.

Do any of you know of any techniques: meditation, deeper breathing, that may help me to answer these questions or better yet, let the answers come to me?

I thank you in advance. 

My yoga instructor is not only inspirational but she is also a kind soul that gives me both emotional and physical relief. God bless her. I wasn’t feeling too good today and informed her that today was a little um, special. You know the deal, ladies. I asked her what the term was for the wonderful event in healthy women’s lives and she gave the Korean term as well as the more popular term which is (drumroll!) called: MAGIC DAY! I had to laugh which instantly made me feel better.

I went to change into my yoga clothes and upon returning to the waiting area, she’d pulled out a soft warm blanket and two equally comfy pillows just for me! She spread the blanket onto the floor and demonstrated how I would find relief for stomach and back ache using the two pillows. I followed her instruction and the next thing that I knew, she proceeded to give me a lovely back massage with her knee and hand.  She took me higher! The pain was gone!

It was now time to start class and man was it deep. Deep stretches, deep breathing, both slow and meaningful were welcomed by all who attended tonight’s session. We were one unit, all together learning and at the same time, teaching our Teacher. Very strange but perfect. As I lay there in the darkness she came to my side and gave me a serious hand massage, pressing in and around the fleshy area located between thumb and forefinger. Afterwards she started on my legs and although it was a little painful, I felt so light, as if she’d taken away something that was holding me down.

Mentally I was so surprised at how easy the class seemed and I only realize now that I was holding on to something that I no longer needed and am back to trusting my body, mind and soul.

Thank you, Teacher

For the past two days I’ve been feeling a bit tired on the inside all the while smiling, singing and laughing on the outside. People often ask me why am I so happy and I just smile and say “I just am”. Perhaps it’s the yoga.  I was really tempted to not attend tonight’s yoga session but I envisioned feeling refreshed and having glowing skin afterwards and well…I slowly strolled to the studio and I’m so glad that I did! We worked in pairs tonight. There was much gasping, yelping and laughing. We pounded each other’s backs, walked on the balls of each others feet and butts, lifted each other off of the floor for a back elongating and chest opening stretch. Through all of the poses I felt more and more energetic. Another amazing session. We also had a great laugh as well! One of my favorite sounds is hearing the laughter of women.  There’s an intimacy during this moment that I’ve never felt among men. I felt like a vital part of the group, of what makes life worth living.  

After class tonight, one of the instructors gave me a sealed enveloped and I was made to understand that it should be opened in private. Just moments ago I opened the envelope and found something so precious inside. I will not reveal what was written lest she be embarrassed in any way, but know this, her words touched my heart and I’m so grateful to her and God that I received them. Jong-Mi, you are so kind and I thank you with all of my heart. 

Yesterday, lying in darkness after another deeply satisfying class, I opened my eyes to see my teacher performing what I thought was Tai Chi. While some students were lost in slumber or simply breathing deeply, I could not take my eyes off my teacher’s movements. In the dark she moved with such graceful force that it made me recall many things. At once she reminded me of the flow of the James River or a waterfall I’d seen in the mountains of my native Virginia.

She looked like the wind itself when she violently and peacefully changed directions and pressure of her movements, arms and feet. I swear I could feel the air between her fingers once clenched then as soft as a bird’s wings. With each movement it was if she was using her body to write and tell a story.I’ve never seen anything like it before. I am grateful for the gift of sight. 

Later, I asked her where she had learned Tai Chi. She told me that she had never learned Tai Chi, but that she’d simply was allowing her body’s energy to flow through her, to manifest itself.  I stood there in awe, speechless. 

My Yoga Goddess (instructor) is so awe-inspiring and influential in my life that I must dedicate a category to her on this blog. I attend yoga 5 days week and now I believe that I will attend on Saturdays as well. I may also follow in her footsteps and share with others the joy and physical as well as spiritual growth I get from her instruction and yoga itself. I’m serious folks. Serious and happy!

Well, as you know, I love yoga. Seriously, it was a tad difficult in the beginning. I was no where near as flexible or as peaceful-minded as I am now and I know the best is yet to come. Earlier in the week as we were all waiting to enter the studio, my teacher informed everyone that “Felicia’s poses are great, now”. My Yoga Goddess even demonstrated.I’ve always been a positive person but now I’ve become more mindful and I know that this class and my teacher has had a great influence on me. I understand very little of what she says as I am not fluent in Korean but there is something about her energy, her spirit that I find amazing. I admire her. She’s small in stature but incredibly strong in body and spirit. Don’t ask me how I know, I just KNOW.  As I advance in yoga, I do find that at times my mind wanders but now I practice more mind control than before. In class as in life, I focus on the HERE AND NOW. Of course I have plans in the works, and things that I want to accomplish but when I’m in that class, I know that the most important thing is that MOMENT, that second and nothing else. I let myself be, just be. I now know how important it is to focus on the moment when I’m speaking or listening to someone, when I’m working, always when I’m walking. The way that we are taught to breath has led to some changes in my photography, I believe. Oh, I also sleep more soundly. It’s funny how I look at people here and see more of the similarities between us instead of the differences. On the metro, this thought “I am them and they are me” constantly pops into my head. I love thinking this way.